I titled today’s post as I did for several reasons. First the snow was falling thick and heavy this afternoon and it was beautiful. I took a few minutes for myself this afternoon. I left the kids sitting on the couch and went upstairs to rest on our bed. I opened the window and watched the snow falling. Lilly, one of the cats, came and curled up beside me. It was very peaceful and gave me a few minutes to reflect and think of our maybe baby. I still look at snow with a sense of wonder. I almost can’t believe it’s real. People tell me I’ll get tired of it, but right now it’s great.
I still sit back amazed at the thought of creating a baby. I have three children so maybe this shouldn’t seem so monumental but it does. So very profound to me. Where there was no life, now there is life. I hope that’s the case for me right now. It’s almost a luxury to be able to sit there and think of a baby that might be, and talk to the baby. A luxury to have that connection right from the very first possible moment. To even be able to invite that little soul in intentionally. Wow. I’m in awe.
And of course all this leads me to wonder if I’m pregnant or not. I really spend a significant portion of my time wondering this. I nitpick over every little thing. I’m normally told I’m obsessed with babies and I suppose it’s even stronger when I might actually be pregnant again which is so great. So in light of that warning I’m sure I’ll spend the next couple of weeks listing reasons why I think I may be pregnant or why I think I’m not pregnant lol!
First thing up…last night I have a really strong metallic taste in my mouth. The complete irony of this is a couple days ago I posted to a message board online that a metallic taste in my mouth was a pregnancy sign for both of my boys (someone was asking about it on the board). Then it happens to me. But it’s really early yet for pregnancy signs. I suppose tonight I should haul out my books and look over early ones (as if I don’t already have them memorized). And I get to sit here and obsess over when to test. I have at least a 10 day wait though because I should probably wait until 12 days post ovulation to test. So thus far, one thing swaying towards maybe pregnant, no things swaying towards not pregnant. Unless you count my overly pessemistic sweetheart. But I’m ignoring him on this /smile.
