However life stuff has gotten me pretty down (not pregnancy related).  It’s really hard because the issue I’m dealing with is one I can’t resolve easily.  And I get all kinds of differing opinions on it.  I spend time feeling angry, time feeling trapped, time feeling helpless, and a whole lot of time feeling confused about what the right solution is.  It has made it hard for me to feel motivated to follow our routine the past couple of days.

This afternoon I’m feeling a bit better, though I still feel confused and sad.  I’ve spent a lot of time crying.  There really seem to be no good solutions in my mind.

It’s also given me a chance to reflect on how stress can get to a pregnant woman.  Physically it can cause exhaustion, nausea, contractions, and a host of other issues.  And emotionally it’s just draining.  Depression can manifest.  Doctors are just now coming to realize how depression is a very real issue for many pregnant women.

It can be a dangerous issue on numerous levels – and a big reason is because it does make it hard to want to function and follow routine.  It makes it hard to want to get up and care for yourself the way you absolutely need to when pregnant.  Meal preparation is hard.  Self-care and grooming are hard.  Exercise is hard.  Even getting the rest you need is hard.  All of these things are critical to healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby – and getting these things increases your ability to overcome depression.

So even though we haven’t gotten a lot else done I have continued to make our meals and make myself eat them.  I’ve taken the kids on their walks.  I’ve looked around while walking and found at least small things to see beauty in.  I have continued to take my afternoon rest – just going through a progressive relaxation.  And I think tonight I’ll take a warm bath, or at least a long shower, after the kids are in bed.

While I’ve gotten a lot of good advice on my situation, it’s still hard for me to take that advice while I’m wrestling with the issue inside myself, and coming to a place of action and/or peace with it.  But I am trying to take advice and finding trusted people to talk to about it.  And I’m taking these basic steps to keep my physically healthy.  I’m also trying to think about the baby, thinking little prayers that my stress won’t get to the baby too much, and enjoying thinking about the baby, because that gives me joy.

So I know that stress and mild depression are not fun during pregnancy.  It’s really offensive because pregnancy should be a joyful time without added outside stress.  But that’s often not the way it is.  And the best way to deal with that is to let go of guilt (that you’re not bubbly happy all pregnancy long), and take care of yourself.  If you’re having trouble doing even that, it’s time to get help.  Read my prenatal depression article for more information and resources that may help you.

But today has not been a good day and I don’t really feel like I can give it the review or even the blog comments it deserves.  I have been having problems with children stealing food from the kitchen – and now stealing food from the refrigerator.  The same children that are fed three extremely healthy meals and two snacks daily.  Children that are getting plenty of healthy fat and protein, along with reasonable carbs and good veggies.  Not to mention fruits and the occasional treat.  My children eat so much better than I did as a child.  Yet food stealing is a consistent problem.

The fact that they have begun to steal from the fridge just makes me want to give up.  I try so hard.  This week I’ve felt better than I have in weeks, we’ve started a new schedule up and they are busier than ever.  But still they steal food in the times when I’m not watching the kitchen like a hawk.

Maybe it shouldn’t seem so disheartening but it does.   I’m trying so hard now to be up and active with them after a few weeks of pretty much just reading on the couch.  But I’m still tired and it’s so hard to deal with these issues.  I have no clue how to deal with kids stealing from the fridge – maybe even in the night while we’re sleeping.  I can’t gate the kitchen because the bathroom door is off the kitchen and that would cut off the bathroom access.

Next week we are going with the schedule full time (we’ve just done the morning this week) and maybe they will be so busy and occupied with that that the food stealing will stop and other issues will be minimized.  I don’t feel too optimistic anymore though.

No matter what I do they are always acting up.  I feel like a failure at times like that and wonder what I’m thinking bringing another one in.  And that’s not fair to me, to them, or to the new one.  But it is one of those apprehensions common to pregnancies after the first I think.  It’s just strong today, which officially sucks.