I’ve been having a hard time the past few days and so I haven’t really written. Ironically I’ve felt more rested than I have in weeks, and my nausea is pretty much gone. My stomach will turn if I see, smell, or think about something particularly unappealing to me but on the whole physically I’m feeling much better.
However life stuff has gotten me pretty down (not pregnancy related). It’s really hard because the issue I’m dealing with is one I can’t resolve easily. And I get all kinds of differing opinions on it. I spend time feeling angry, time feeling trapped, time feeling helpless, and a whole lot of time feeling confused about what the right solution is. It has made it hard for me to feel motivated to follow our routine the past couple of days.
This afternoon I’m feeling a bit better, though I still feel confused and sad. I’ve spent a lot of time crying. There really seem to be no good solutions in my mind.
It’s also given me a chance to reflect on how stress can get to a pregnant woman. Physically it can cause exhaustion, nausea, contractions, and a host of other issues. And emotionally it’s just draining. Depression can manifest. Doctors are just now coming to realize how depression is a very real issue for many pregnant women.
It can be a dangerous issue on numerous levels – and a big reason is because it does make it hard to want to function and follow routine. It makes it hard to want to get up and care for yourself the way you absolutely need to when pregnant. Meal preparation is hard. Self-care and grooming are hard. Exercise is hard. Even getting the rest you need is hard. All of these things are critical to healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby – and getting these things increases your ability to overcome depression.
So even though we haven’t gotten a lot else done I have continued to make our meals and make myself eat them. I’ve taken the kids on their walks. I’ve looked around while walking and found at least small things to see beauty in. I have continued to take my afternoon rest – just going through a progressive relaxation. And I think tonight I’ll take a warm bath, or at least a long shower, after the kids are in bed.
While I’ve gotten a lot of good advice on my situation, it’s still hard for me to take that advice while I’m wrestling with the issue inside myself, and coming to a place of action and/or peace with it. But I am trying to take advice and finding trusted people to talk to about it. And I’m taking these basic steps to keep my physically healthy. I’m also trying to think about the baby, thinking little prayers that my stress won’t get to the baby too much, and enjoying thinking about the baby, because that gives me joy.
So I know that stress and mild depression are not fun during pregnancy. It’s really offensive because pregnancy should be a joyful time without added outside stress. But that’s often not the way it is. And the best way to deal with that is to let go of guilt (that you’re not bubbly happy all pregnancy long), and take care of yourself. If you’re having trouble doing even that, it’s time to get help. Read my prenatal depression article for more information and resources that may help you.
